Acceptance Leads to Self-Love

Acceptance of my skin got much easier after I learned that I had a documented mental illness. Dermatillomania was added to the DSM-5 in 2013—about forty years after I started suffering from this undiagnosed and virtually unknown disorder that is estimated to affect about five percent of the population.

That moment of awareness changed everything for me. Once I realized I wasn’t the only one, a major shift occurred in how I reacted and responded to my skin.

In my memoir I share many of the dialogues I had with my higher sources of wisdom while journaling. The questions I asked and, more importantly, the answers I received during my scared morning ritual became so profound I could no longer call what I was doing “journaling.” Instead, I called it “written meditation.” And why not? I’ve heard this statement many times: “Prayer is when you’re talking to God. Meditation is when you’re listening.”

Not only was I listening, I was writing down everything I heard on the page.

I heard that the choice was always mine: to continue to detest my picked-out, pocked-marked skin, or to accept it. Only once I accepted it could I begin to love it.

Love it?!? Are you crazy?!?

Only a little. I do have a mental illness, remeber? But I've done the inner work and I know that those of us with dermatillomania have been with our wounds for so long we’ve developed a relationship with them. Probably a hate-hate relationship, like mine was for decades. There wasn’t even a glimmer of love in that equation.

But what if I told you that when I began to love my skin instead of hating it, it began to heal? It’s true. And here’s what else I know is true: once you start loving your skin, you will start believing that you’re worthy of your own self-love.

You are! You are worthy of your own love. And guess what? Your skin cells are worthy of that love, too.

Try to start talking to your skin as you would talk to a frightened or injured child: not with hatred and frustration but with love and compassion. With gentleness. With tenderness.

Start by looking into your own eyes in the mirror. Tell yourself, “I love you just as you are.” Say it over and over until you can feel that love in your heart. That love of your inner self—your perfectly beautiful soul.

Then, start telling your skin cells that you love them, too. Every time you engage with your skin, whether it’s in the mirror or while engaged in whatever you’re doing when you scan for bumps and scabs, pause for a moment and say I love you to each and every one.

When you can do this consistently, healing will happen. I promise.

Self-love is a choice you can make at any moment. Make that choice now. You’re worth it.