Overcoming Dermatillomania: My Journey with Cannabis

Dermatillomania, also known as skin picking disorder, is a condition that affects about five percent of the population and can cause significant emotional and physical distress. I struggled with this compulsive behavior for over fifty years, trapped in an uncontrollable cycle of picking, healing, and picking again. However, my journey took a transformative turn when I discovered the potential benefits of cannabis. In this post, I will share my personal experiences, the challenges I faced, and how cannabis became a vital part of my healing process.

Cannabis plant

Understanding Dermatillomania

Dermatillomania is classified as a body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB). It often manifests as an uncontrollable urge to pick at one's skin, leading to noticeable damage. This condition can stem from various triggers, especially anxiety and stress.

The Emotional Toll

Living with dermatillomania is beyond embarrassing. For most of us with this disorder, it's devastating. The feelings of shame surrounding skin-picking disorder are pervasive. I never walked out of my bathroom, let alone my front door, without a thick coat of makeup on my face. I thought about my bumps and scabs and wounds constantly. If I wasn't exacerbating them, I was trying to conceal them. Never a moment passed that I didn't worry about being judged, certain that everyone could see through the many layers of makeup I was wearing. I applied it not just in the morning but throughout the day to cover the places where I'd picked off a scab or otherwise rubbed off my camouflage by touching spots on my face.

Traditional Treatments and Their Limitations

Initially, I sought help through traditional methods like dermatologists, psychologists, and medication. But multiple dermatologists not only misdiagnosed me, they shamed me. Multiple psychologists couldn't get to the root of my issues, and medications prescribed by psychiatrists made turned me into a complete and total zombie. There just had to be another way.

Turning to Non-Traditional Treatments

When traditional methods didn't produce the results I'd hoped for, I turned to non-traditional methods like hypnotherapy and energy kinesiology. Energy healing helped quite a bit, actually, but my insurance wouldn't cover these services, forcing me to limit the number of sessions I received. Instead, I spent what resources I had on skin treatments, going for the immediate results of an improved complexion. Unfortunately, even expensive treatments like microneedling were short-lived. Bumps inevitably reappeared on my face — along with my unstoppable need to eradicate them.

Discovering Cannabis

After trying and failing multiple times through multiple methods to fix what was wrong with me, I turned to cannabis. Not only had I explored evidence suggesting that cannabis could help reduce anxiety and improve overall well-being, I witnessed its effects on physical pain when I was married to man with a medical cannabis card.

The Initial Hesitation

I had my reservations about using cannabis, especially its potential side effects. When my husband smoked flower, his ensuing cough was deep. I had asthma so I was concerned about my lungs, and I didn't care for the smell of burning buds that stunk up the house. But my husband swore that it helped reduce his arthritis pain, and I was desperate for relief from my emotional pain.

My First Experience with Cannabis

My first experience with psychoactive effects of THC in combination with my morning meditation practice offered an amazing awakening. I had ingested a 2-3 second puff from a cannabis oil cartridge and, not only was it easier on my lungs that I expected, that inhalation changed everything. A door opened. I went through it and entered another realm — a place in consciousness where the wisdom of God and my spirit guide was made available to me.

Finding the Right Form

As I continued my journey, I explored different forms and strains of cannabis. Ever cautious about allowing smoke of any type into my lungs, I experimented with edibles. I learned out how long they took to take effect, when the peak of the "high" would be, and how long it would take for the effects to wear off. Since my cannabis use was always in the early mornings, paired with at least one 16 oz. mug of good, strong coffee, I found that the hybrid strain provided the mellowness of Indica as well as the energy-elevating properties of Sativa. This combination helped keep me focused while still allowing me to be comfortable in the stillness of the pre-dawn hours.

The Impact on My Skin Picking

Over time, my journaling practice under the influence of cannabis became a form of written meditation. I asked questions on the page and they were answered from a higher level of consciousness. Whether it was the voice of God itself or a spirit guide channeling the wisdom of God, the answers always came through. The words that flowed from my pen onto the pages of my journal astounded me with their honesty and sincerity.

Mindfulness and Self-Care

Incorporating the divine wisdom that was shared with me during cannabis-enhanced meditation became the foundation of my healing journey. I began to focus more on self-care that self-wounding. I spoke loving words to myself in the mirror, which reduced my urge to pick. Slowly but steadily, my thoughts shifted from self-loathing to self-love.

Sharing My Journey

While cannabis has played a significant role in my recovery, I recognize that overcoming dermatillomania is an ongoing process. There are still times when my fingers find their way to my face, scanning for rough spots I can't always avoid attempting to smooth. But it's so much easier now to catch myself and I remember that I have a choice: in every moment, I can choose to damage my skin or to love it.

Peer Support

I haven't seen a mental health professional for my dermatillomania since 2019, but in 2023 I have found a support group that meets online twice a month. Facilitated by Lauren McKeaney, founder of the Picking Me Foundation, this group provides a safe space for those of us with dermatillomania to discuss our challenges and share our successes.

Conclusion

My journey with dermatillomania has been filled with ups and downs, but discovering cannabis as a part of my healing process has been transformative. It has empowered me to reduce my skin picking by allowing me to feel unconditionally loved for who and what I truly am: a perfectly unique expression of the divine.

If you or someone you know is struggling with dermatillomania, I encourage you to explore all available treatment options, including cannabis. Do continue to seek and receive support from professionals and communities that understand your journey, but don't be afraid to embark on a journey of spiritual awakening as well. Remember, healing is not linear, and every step forward is a victory worth celebrating.